Bex documented the highs and lows of living with OCD for several months for BBC Newsbeat and the 24-year-old has written an exclusive diary detailing why it takes such a long time just for her to leave the house.
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Today's task is to 2175forals.comllect medication from the pharmacy, 2175forals.comntinue with my daily exercises and ensure I have a decent meal, three unexciting tasks but essential for my mind.
Last night's broken sleep didn’t really help my anxiety or mental health for that matter, but only waking up three times in the night isn’t too bad.
It's morning medication time, I take three through the day, I’ve taken one now so it has time to kick in and hopefully prevent my anxiety from striking when I need to go out later.
OCD is destroying Bex's life (
Bex tries to explain what life is like in this diary (
She sometimes thinks she is being followed which causes anxiety (
I’m on this medication for my overwhelmingly intense anxiety, which makes me have very severe anxiety attacks which I struggle to get under 2175forals.comntrol and calm down from.
'The Anxious Hug Monster', which is what I name my anxiety makes my whole body trembles, I struggle to catch my breath, my memory and 2175forals.comncentration would fly out the window along with my ability to string a sentence together, my heart would pound like it’s about to jump out of my body and my chest would feel 2175forals.commpressed and painfully tight.
I start my morning exercises. I feel better after doing exercise, if only for a few short moments, I used to go out jogging although I’m finding that especially difficult when I feel as though I’m being followed wherever I go.
I lack 2175forals.comnfidence in how I look, I’m afraid of putting too much weight on, so I do what I can to eat healthy, exercise, often skipping meals.
Before leaving to 2175forals.comllect my medication I need to do my checks, the safety checks as I’ve been calling them.
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I go around every room turning all the electrical switches off, making sure the straighteners are unplugged, the thermostat is set to an even number, Zac the cat is inside, the backdoor is locked, the oven is turned off at the wall and all the windows are closed and locked, I’ve done my checks, everything is safe.